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regrets and true love

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Dec. 25th, 2011 | 02:41 am

i have a lot of regrets about the last year. i did a lot of things that i really wish i hadn't done. i wish i hadn't dated anyone, and i wish i still had my virginity. i want more than anything to be able to give that to my boyfriend, who gave me his first everything. i know i don't deserve him, and it kills me inside. but i count myself lucky to be with him. he says he wants to spend forever with me, and i want to spend forever with him.

i lied to him tonight. for the first time. about something so stupid i can't even... UGH! i'm so retarded. sometimes i hate myself. sometimes i wish that i could rewind time and take things back. i wish i thought before i acted, or spoke. my new years resolution is to be the best girlfriend i can possibly be. to be sweeter to my amazing boyfriend. to post cute things on his wall. to never, EVER lie to him again, because that was fucked up and wrong. to marry him, because he's all i want, and all i need.

oh, did i mention he asked me to marry him? he proposed with glow in the dark stars pasted to his wall. it was the sweetest thing ever. he makes me so, so happy i can't even believe it.

i hurt him. i want to hurt myself as some sort of redemption. eye for an eye. but i promised him i won't hurt myself anymore. i love him so much. I LOVE HIM.

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