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I know what you did last summer...

Oct. 7th, 2011 | 11:54 am

As I made a reference to this last summer in my previous post, I figured I would clarify things.

This April I broke up with my abusive boyfriend, M. Right about that same time, an older friend of M's, E, started spending a lot of time around me. I knew that it would bother M a great deal if I got with E. So E and I started going out. Things were going fine, I was keeping it a secret from my mom, who I knew would be furious if she found out. When one night, I decided to do something really stupid. I shoplifted. And got caught. And my mom went through my phone for some reason. She saw the messages from E. Not only did I get in trouble for shoplifting, I got in trouble for dating E.

That was also the night I had a mental breakdown. I carved the word "LIAR" into my left thigh. So there I was, sitting in my room, on the floor, laughing, crying, and bleeding all over the damn place. My mom is crying too, she's afraid I'm going to kill myself. Oh, did I mention, this was all on my sisters birthday? Yeah, I'm a great sister.

Anyway, that's what happened.

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wallow in my own misery?

Oct. 7th, 2011 | 11:48 am
mood: anxious anxious
music: poor jack - nightmare before christmas

I'm currently trying to decide if I should simply go home and wallow in my misery, or if I should go out tonight like I said I would? If I stay home, I'll just cry all night. I think Ima go out still, see my friends and get hugs. This seems to be the more viable option. I'll go out tonight with my boyfriend, see the friends and maybe cheer up a little bit.


This kid at school who's in love with me just popped up on facebook chat and said, ''im sorry for your loss hope'' I cannot believe he used those words. They sound so cliche and ridiculous. Now, I suppose the sentiment is nice and all but really... A little off topic, but this same boy asked me for a kiss for his birthday. He knows I have a boyfriend who I love very dearly. This boy's just a creeper.

Tonight I'm getting my Halloween costume. One of my best friends is bringing me this epic pirate dress and giving me my birthday present early, this really epic pair of boots. I'll post pictures when I get it. :) She's really one of the best people I know. She's saved me from killing myself, and from running away. Especially this last summer. A lot of stuff happened this last summer. Speaking of which, I shall make a post on that.

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(no subject)

Oct. 7th, 2011 | 10:13 am
mood: sad sad
music: you are my sunshine - copeland

my grandma died today. can't believe it. don't want to believe it. the only thing i'm grateful for is that she's not in pain anymore.

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(no subject)

Oct. 3rd, 2011 | 06:40 pm

ASK MEH ANYTHING!

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(no subject)

Oct. 3rd, 2011 | 05:32 pm

Ugh, I feel like I'm living out of boxes all the time. Turns out the old house had black mold, so we had to move. Again. Now I'm living out in the sticks with OTHER friends. :( Thankfully it's only for a month, but it's a month where I'll only be able to see my boyfriend in weekends. Luckily his mom doesn't mind when I stay over for a couple days, she likes me a lot. Actually, she wants me to make babies for her. -_- She says I'd make gorgeous children. I was like, um lady I'm not even an adult, lol. So, to add a face to the rants about ugliness and whatnot, I'll upload a picture. um yeah, I'm really awkward looking.



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Morning feels rather ruined...

Oct. 2nd, 2011 | 10:15 am
mood: gloomy gloomy

Decided to be bored and look through my boyfriends pictures. Porn. Lots of porn. </3 It only hurts because I -KNOW- I'm nowhere close to perfect and they all look so perfect. Why do I do these things to myself? Now I'm crying and trying not to wake him up. What do I do? Do I tell him it bothers me that he looks at other girls? Because it does... It bothers me a lot. I'm madly in love with the boy and I'm terrified that he'll get bored of me. I don't have a perfect body, I'm not super thin and I don't have huge perfect breasts. I'm about normal. Nothing perfect or amazing about me. Nothing. Sometimes I wonder why he even loves me. EDIT: lots of scene girls... i'm not even scene. :/ fuck... how do i compete with that? it's not even like he has porn of average girls with pretty eyes with scars on their wrists and legs. no, he has porn of beautiful, flawless, scarless girls. i feel like leaving. maybe i'll just leave him a note and go take the bus home. i have my bus card. he's not awake yet. Second Edit: I'm just not going to say anything. What the fuck ever.

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Oh

Oct. 1st, 2011 | 10:10 am

Well, I was thinking about it and it seems I should explain my home situation a little bit. My parents are divorced. Now I've got that out of the way, let's take a look at mom's house.

We live in a cute, little old house. It has three bedrooms and one bathroom. We live there with a roomate, her little boy, and my two younger sisters who are there half the time, on Mondays, Tuesdays and every other weekend. We have two dogs and one cat. Oh, and a bunny.

My dad's house? He lives in a shitty little two bedroom apartment with two dogs, two cats and a snake. My snake. I don't live with him, because I can't stand him. I hate his guts. He also has my sisters half the time, on Wednesdays and Thursdays and every other weekend.

Any questions? Hah, I know it's a little odd... And it sucks sometimes, I never have any privacy.

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happy fun tiems!

Oct. 1st, 2011 | 09:50 am
mood: cold cold
music: Monster - Meg and Dia

Wheeee... So I spent the night at le boyfriend's house last night, and now he's being all cute and asleep n stuff. I love him but I got kinda bored staring at him sleep. xD He's so cute though. I think I shall convince him to watch some more Code Geass with meh in a while.
What animes do you guys like? I love Fruits Basket, Ouran High School Host Club, Vampire Knight, XXX-holic, Code Geass, and High School of the Dead. I do adore those zombies, hah.

Oh my godddd, this boy keeps his room COLD! The freaking fan isn't even pointed at me and I'm covered in goosebumps. It also makes sexual touching kinda awkward, what with the coldness and all. >.> xD I freaking forgot my contacts case at home and had to sleep with them in, they feel so dry. *unhappy face* Oh well, it's kinda worth it since I got to cuddle my boyfriend all night. (um, quick side note, i kinda talk about him a lot, if that bothers any of you, i apologize) So, what's everyone else doing this fine Saturday morning? :)

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well, well well what have we here?

Sep. 29th, 2011 | 10:50 am

so, earlier this week i went to le cheap movie theatre and watched Bridesmaids. i was really surprised. xD it was really, really funny and i liked it a lot. i didn't pick the movie, my mom did and i was rather skeptical as to the plot and whatnot. BUT it had kristen wig and i love her. :D anyone else like SNL?

i'm currently sitting in english. not doing anything. waiting for the teacher to put 'The Call of the Wild' on. it's taking quite a while, haha. sometimes i hate the other juniors, they're so loud... but the things they say are pretty funny. three of my friends are in the same class, A, V, and H. they're pretty cool and some of the only white kids in our school. there's only eight in our entire school. xD it's pretty funny. the rest is pretty equally divided between black and mexican. i think we have one asian and one native kid and that's about it.

well, it seems it's movie time. tata for now!

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Hi!

Sep. 23rd, 2011 | 10:39 am
location: at school xD
mood: chipper chipper
music: typing sounds

My name is Hope but I go by Kitsune online 'cause that's what people call me. :) It means fox in Japanese.

Umm, a little bit about meh... I have a awesome boyfriend and some crazy-ass friends. I have four dogs, three cats, a rabbit and a ball python, divided between two houses. I live with my mom, because I despise my dad. I love reading, watching movies, drawing and sculpting. I love my friends and all their weirdness.

I'm also bipolar type 1 with auditory and visual hallucinations. I'm on medication but it's not working so great anymore and I don't have money to go to the doctor for a new script. I'm also an ex cutter. Sometimes I feel the urge to cut but I'm being strong. :) I haven't cut since May!

So, I'm looking for peoples who are like me, a little bit crazy and awesome. :D Comment here or on my journal to add meh!

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